Being a single person in her 30s is hard. Especially in a conservative and stereotypical setting.
One starts doubting and questioning self. Was staying single worth it? Should I just get married? But is all this compromise really going to be worth it..? Will my “i do” really be the best solution to life’s travails?
I told myself a pretty lie
I almost convinced myself
Might have done the unthinkable
But scarce could let myself.
‘Twas you who
Got stuck in between
This convincing lie
I barely could swallow
Nor let you strive
To ascertain veracity.
“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” – Sarah Williams
Sometimes it’s this dark unfeeling vacuum that gives one the space and the break one needs in life. A whirlpool may cause destruction but in the midst of it all there is an abysmal calm. That’s how I feel. Too many problems, worries, frustrations surround me but I am not completely rattled or baffled.
Just distanced. Detached. And Resigned.
And even if they do ask, your cynical self says “I’m ok” – because you ask yourself if they really mean it(?). Does your answer matter to them at all? Being strong is lonely, being strong is painful.
I’ve got grit, I’ve got fire
But it lies unfanned.
I’ve got love, I’ve got pain
But it lies untouched.